Am exhausted.  Just finished work.  Am lying here on my bed trying, ATTEMPTING, WILLING MYSELF, to get up and go swim.  Am o day #2 of my "fast" which is roughly about 150 - 200 cals per day of liquids.  Mainly tea, diet coke, water, vitamin water, coffee and soymilk (hence the cals).

According to some loser calculator, i will be 53.5kg by 5th Feb if i keep this up.  Idk if thats doable and i know its certainly not "real" weight....but idk.  If i could just get looking decent again... i could go on holiday for my week off as planned.  I want to see friends but not when i look like this. 

Am attempting to also keep swimming each niite whilst on this fast, plus doing my 45mins of yoga stretching each nite.

I look at this entry and i read back at my others ones...and i cant believe i even post this stuff.  I used to write this sort of shit in my personal handwritten journal, but for some reason i have taken a fancy to having a journal on my laptop and hence here i am, posting shit about shit.  And it all sounds so.....(i hate this word) "wanna"...but it really is what goes through my mind.  I wish i werent like this.  But i am and i have to live with it i guess.

Am putting off swimming but i know i need to go.

My boss is hassling me about food.  I miss living alone......i feel like a bloody teenager again having to make excuses.  Ggrrrr. 

 when i turned up at my bf's house at 10pm unexpected - he had rung earlier to say he was missing me (we live 2 hours apart) so (without telling him) i hopped in my car and drove to see him.  He was so surprised and really happy :-)

 Water
Chocolate
A good Book